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How To Meet Men Outside Of Bars


By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2005, Seduction Insider. All Rights Reserved.


So maybe the bar scene and club hopping isn’t for you. Maybe you just aren’t into the idea of dancing the night away with throngs of other sweaty people looking for the man or woman of their dreams – or just to get lucky.

Okay, so how else can you meet single, available men? It’s just not that easy once you’re out of school (and not always that easy when you’re in it). And to make things worse, in many metropolitan cities women out number the men.

But the truth is that while meeting great men isn’t that easy to do, it isn’t impossible. Single men are all over the place – you just need to get out and about in the right places with the right mind-set to find them. That’s right, you’ve got to find them. Which leads us to tip number one:


Get Over the Idea That the Man Has to Find You

Some of us carry around the notion that the man has to be the one to find the woman in order for things to turn out. Wrong – he just needs to think he’s the one doing the chasing. In fact, sociologists have done studies and found that women actually set up most flirtations but the men aren’t even aware of it – they believe that they’re the ones who discovered the women.

And how do you make sure a man who catches your attention gets the idea that he’s discovered you? Just as women have done for centuries. First you’re at the right place at the right time, second you catch his eye, look away, and look back. Do this a few times and if the guy’s interested (and has the nerve) he’s going to come and talk to you – all while probably thinking he’s the one who noticed you first.


Follow Your Bliss & Your Preferences

If bars aren’t your thing no problem, but don’t then fall into the trap of looking for men at other places and events you dislike equally as much just because you think you should be getting out there. You should be getting out there, but it’s no use going to a baseball game to meet men if you’re bored stiff by America’s favorite pastime.

Also, while it’s true that many ways to meet men take place in the evening, if you’re a morning person and need to be in bed at 9:00 or you start to fall asleep on your feet it’s no good forcing yourself to go to events you won’t enjoy or be your best at. You need to go to places where men on the same sleep patterns go.

Okay, so now that we’ve established those ground rules let’s see where great men can be found…


Coffee House & Restaurants

Whether you’re early to bed and early to rise out of choice or necessity you need to find men who are on the same time schedule as you. That means you need to be in social settings for breakfast and lunch where men are going to be, and that means coffee houses and restaurants. No, I don’t mean for you to spend every last penny on extravagant lattes or lunch at hip bistros, but you do need to remember that men are more likely than women to spend their disposable income on eating out.

So make a tour of the coffee houses and happening breakfast and lunch spots on your traffic route and find the ones with the cutest guys and the atmosphere and food you most enjoy. Visit each at least once a week on the same day. Why? Because if you see a guy who catches your eye you have a good chance of running into him again the next week. Start by saying “hello” and work your way up. Remember shy people (and this could be you) need to see someone a few times before they feel comfortable enough to talk, and even flirt.


Civic Organizations & Charities

Just about every community has a Rotary club and a Chamber of Commerce. And for those who are at their best during the day these clubs usually have breakfast and lunch meetings. These organizations are full of ambitious and community minded single men, and married men who might know someone great to set you up with.

Charities are another great way to meet men, you just have to do your research and find one you’re really interested in, can afford the time and effort they need, and have members of both sexes who you feel comfortable with.


Museums and Heritage & Historical Societies

If you live in a big city, or even a smaller city with great museums and historical architecture you’re bound to have both heritage and historical societies who work to both preserve and record your city’s heritage. These organizations draw in an eclectic crowd of enthusiasts and single men passionate about architecture (who might even be architects themselves) are bound to be among them.

Joining your local museum doesn’t usually cost nearly as much as you’d think and not only does this grant you admission to the museum, it also means you’ll be invited to all kinds of art openings and events. Yes, this is certainly a tip for the artier crowd, but I’ve never been to an art event that didn’t include some very interesting single men. And remember, these days just because a man has a great sense of style doesn’t mean he’s gay!


Hiking/Outdoor Organizations & Outdoor Gear Stores

Passionate about the great outdoors and looking for a good cause as well as good men? Consider taking up hiking and/or joining a “hands on” conservation organization. There are all kinds of hiking clubs that are full of single men passionate about the outdoors. The Sierra Club even has a “singles” section on its website.

You can also find attractive single men at outdoor gear and sporting goods stores. If you like to hike (and even camp) make sure you spend time at stores like R.E.I. and Patagonia where the employees are well trained and you can find all kinds of reasons to keep the hot sales clerk talking to you. Remember, men love to be helpful on subjects they know a lot about and you don’t. These stores usually have resources to tell you about great hiking in your area as well.