How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace – The Smart Guide to Flirting

by Susan Rabin, reviewed by Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2005, Seduction Insider. All Rights Reserved.
Published by: Penguin Books USA
375 Hudson Street
New York NY 10014

“Negative thoughts turn into negative action. And whether you’re flirting, working, or working at flirting, negative action keeps you from doing what you want, accomplishing what you must, and getting all you can from your social and professional life.” – Susan Rabin

If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while now you know that I only let you know about books that I think you’ll find useful. This one is short, sweet, but a total gem. Can you attract anyone, anytime, anyplace? Maybe not literally, but what Rabin’s terrific little book reminds us is that the chances and opportunities to find attractive members of the opposite sex to flirt with and charm really are endless.

But you’ve got to get out there and do it.

Rabin’s style is bright and conversational, as if you’re on of her new favorite friends, but don’t let the breezy tone fool you, the book is full of smart ideas not only get you out there flirting, but to make the best of yourself when you do. Here’s one set of ideas I particularly like because they’re so easy to remember and great to use:

The 5 W’s


Rabin urges you to be curious not only about the cute members of the opposite sex around you, but reminds you how powerful questions can be as the beginning of a wonderful flirtation.


What are you doing to get out of the house and get serious about flirting? Rabin reminds us that even those so-called “solitary” pursuits don’t have to be solitary if you’re willing to share your private thoughts with someone else – what you thought would be a solitary ride up the ski lift can end up being a fantastic flirty conversation – if you’re ready willing and able.


Rabin brings up a great point here – there’s something unique and interesting about everyday life right where you live. Every day there are opportunities to make a witty comment and catch the ear (and eye) of someone interesting and attractive if you look sharp.

Why and When

Rabin points out that asking “why” questions are a fantastic way to start a conversation with a stranger i.e.: “Does the bus stop here?” and of course “Do you know any great places to eat around here?”

For the remainder of this review I’d like to focus on the last chapter of the book called “Don’t Be Your Own Worst Enemy” because, well, for so many of us this really is the case. Once we learn not to be our own worst enemy the sky really is the limit for both flirting and our love lives!

Reprogramming Your Negative Chatterbox

This is one of the most powerful points in the book, and perhaps one of the most powerful points you can learn about redirecting your life in general. I totally agree with Rabin when she says: “The chatterbox’s message is a veritable litany of irrational and destructive beliefs that are repeated constantly throughout our lives. We don’t usually notice these negative thoughts, Rabin says, because we’re so used to them.

And boy are we! It’s amazing and daunting when you first start keying in and paying attention to the almost non-stop negative gibberish most of us have running on a loop in our head (I first got in touch with and began working on letting go of my own negative tape almost twenty years ago when a good friend introduced me to the inspirational writings of Emmit Fox – but let me be honest here, it’s a daily process).

We not only have a negative chatterbox running in our heads, we also infer negativity to situations that don’t add up to our projections. She uses a simple model she calls ABC to stop this negative and harmful pattern. To use the ABC model you identify situations that “activate” (A), then change your “belief” (B) systems for the better, and open the door to more fulfilling and happy emotional “consequences” (C).

You can try out this model by playing over in your head a recent flirting encounter that left you feeling scorched or spurned instead of floating on air – it’s very possible the rejection was all in your head. Rabin uses the example of a woman attending her class being totally discouraged when she ventured forth into flirting at a local bar and sent a man she’d seen there before a drink when he smiled at her. When the man declined the drink because he had to drive someplace she jumped to the conclusion that it was a total rejection of her.

This kind of attitude will not keep you out there giving it your best – which you really need to do if you want to succeed. In closing I’d like to share with you more of Rabin’s practical and inspiring words:

Flirting is not a direct route to marriage, bed, or any other destination you have in mind. You simply can’t expect to get where you’re going on the first try – or even the second. So what if that handsome brute turns down your invitation to dance? Ask him whether he’d rather join you in a game of pinball or share a slice of pizza. And what about that promising Mr. who tells you he’ll call and doesn’t? You’ve got a phone book. Use I! Give him a call. Or call someone else. Just don’t give up on flirting! That will surely get you nowhere.