Rules Dating Journal By Ellen Fein Sherrie Schneider
This is what made me find a kinder, softer Rules coach. Now, that advice was revolutionary to me — and I daresay, most women. After getting off the phone and crying, I immediately dished to the girls in my privateRulesFacebook group. If any women are here, don’t listen to this. Com’on, if I find someone to whom I’m attracted and we share stuff in common, I’ll want to talk to her all the time about those things we have in common. So you’re letting the guys do the chasing, letting them risk “desperation, low self-esteem, and a lack of boundaries”.
I met men through online dating, but hardly any were my idea of Mr. Right. I tried a matchmaking group, and singles events. I was doing The Rules, but it just wasn’t my time yet. They feel a strong sense of personal freedom.
You better make damn sure your future husband is playing the same whacked-out sport or he’s going to think you are an anti-social, ’50s-style prude with no soul or ambition. If they play hard to get, they become hard to want. There are finite qualities I look for in a woman; playing head games with regards to meeting up is not one of them.
Women in their 30s and 40s—on up into their 60s—everyone thinks that they have it the hardest. And while each age has its own challenges—that part is true—in fact, we face different dating challenges in different parts of the country, also—love truly can happen at any age. I see it every day, with my own clients. There are quality men and women in every age group.
By exercising this self-restraint and not losing yourself in love, you will give your man space and become even more precious to him as a result. He knows you had a life before you met him, and he respects you for continuing to maintain other priorities. You are the cool girl he feels lucky to be dating. When a Rules woman is uncertain about a man’s feelings for her, she puts her heart on pause and waits for a clear signal from him. Over time, with daily practice, you can actually train your heart to respond only to men who make you feel safe and sound, and to instinctively reject a hot-and-cold, emotional roller-coaster. With respect to love and relationships, this means that you can’t just “follow your heart,” as most Hollywood movies suggest.
Many women get swept off their feet by men who say “Baby, I’ll never let you down,” and then make excuse after excuse for him when he proceeds to do just that. I like to say that if a woman is going to do The Rules she should do them exactly as writtenrather than “strictly” because some women go too far and actually act strict, like a sour old granny. You want to ignite a chase, and the chase should be fun — for him and for you. Healthy relationships open up your world. Clients who know my story often ask, “But was this a Rules relationship?” And I have to say that even though my boyfriend pursued me, did all the work, and ultimately asked me to marry him, it definitely was not.